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How can I help my child if they are bullying?

There are no excuses for someone to be bully another person, however it is important to know that there may be reasons behind why the child or young person is bullying someone. As a parent it is important that you find out what these reasons are so that you can best help your child. 

 

There are many reasons why your child is bullying someone and these could be:

• That they are being bullied themselves

• That they do not like the behaviour of the victim of that they find the victim annoying

• That they have seen other people bullying someone so they feel it the right thing to do

 

If you just go ahead and punish your child for bullying someone without finding out why, it could make the problem worse. So it is important that you look at what is behind the bullying to sort out the underlying issues first. 

 

Most parents find out about their child's bullying behaviour through their teachers. It can be difficult for some parents to accept that their child is bullying someone. Your reaction may be that you believe your child has been wrongly accused, as your child would never do anything like that. Sometimes a child may be accused of bullying by a teacher wrongly, as the teacher may not have all of the facts, or they may have just misunderstood the situation. It is also important to note that sometimes your child may actually be bullying someone because of the issues previously mentioned. If this is the case it is important that you help your child, and put steps in place to deal with the bullying before it can get worse. 

 

Here are some things you can do to help your child who is bullying:

Find a quiet place where you can talk to your child without any interruptions or distractions.

 

Tell them your concerns about them bullying (you may want to tell them how you know).

 

You should let them know that bullying is unacceptable and that they need to change this behaviour, and you are able to help them do this.

 

Ask them why they are behaving like this and make it clear that you do care and really want to know by listening to them.

 

Explain to your child that their school can help them to change their behaviour with the help of other professionals.

 

It is important that you are able to listen to your child without judging them, whilst understanding that they may be afraid of speaking to you, as you may get angry with them. Your child may be used to you sticking up for them and not challenging their behaviour, so it could be important for you to change the way to behave towards your child.

 

You shouldn't call your child "a bully", but you should highlight that their behaviour is wrong. If you call your child "bad" or "a bully" rather than pointing out that their behaviour is a problem, it will be harder for your child to change their behaviour.

 

You should help your child to practice other behaviours instead of bullying, if you are struggling with this you can talk to the school and they may be able to help advise you on what you can do, as they should be helping your child with this anyway.

 

If you would like more advice on how to help your child you can contact me through the contact section of the website.